CARVING THE PHONE PUPPET

There's been a lot of concern lately over my use of a pregnant mannikin within my sculptural works. I congratulate all of you who have questioned this, recognizing it as an unfamiliar gesture within my usual oevre. I'm still waiting on the dick. During a frenzy of online shopping about a month ago I ordered a limp penis and balls that I hoped would work perfectly, as her left hand was already in place to support the appendage. Days, and now weeks have slowly ticked off the calendar. The UPS man drives right on by with a "beep-beep", not even slowing down. Every day I open my mailbox in town hoping for a yellow notice, informing me that a certain package is waiting behind the counter. No such luck. So SEA HORSE ENVY remains unfinished-a dickless pregnant mannikin.
   But on other fronts progress continues. As Shewho has consented to photograph and archive all my work since since 1977, I've decided to bite the bullet and put out a book. This coinciding with a hot streak of work on paper and object production leaves Shewho feeling like a Yemani in Guantanamo. I promise there'll be an end, but she doesn't really believe me. Up in Maine, Duke is working on a full sized marionette stickman puppet with an atrophied prosthetic leg, designed to sit on the end of a table. You'd think this and a magic marker drawing that looks as if a six year old did it, would be enough. Alas, it isn't. So Duke and I exchange phone calls daily. Elm? Pine? Bark? No bark? "Can you make him anatomically correct.....in the relaxed position?" "No problem." Duke is always a pleasure to work with.
   As far as huntingwithsupermodelstv goes, I've been wrangling supermodels for the May shoot. Hollie, Kate, and Mystery Girl are on, with special guest spots to be filled. The narrator auditions are coming up. We are six weeks until opening day girls. Time to pattern the 12 ga. and practice your yelps and squeals. No churches are planned, although there has been grumblings from the inner circle concerning our usual lack of preparation, spirituality, sensitivity, relevancy and overall professionalism.
I suggest we invite the local ashram and am immediately informed that they would never come. I suggest (once again) more rehearsals? (crickets) Slick puts it best. "I just think....I don't know.....maybe we could....you know possibly.....it's hard to say.......in many ways it's......it could be so much more of a .....do you know what I mean?" I know what he means. It's not as easy as carving a phone puppet.