YOUR OWN PRIVATE CHELSEA

A day after receiving a 35 year sentence for espionage from a U.S. Military tribunal, Army Private Bradley Manning announced today that he now thinks of himself as a she, and wants to be referred to as "Chelsea". KK. No problem. To say this kid has issues is an understatement. Here he....I mean she... is facing a long stretch in Federal prison and what's his first act as a convicted felon? Sexual identity switcheroo.  Does this make him a WAC? Is it like ordering kosher on an airplane in order to get a better meal? Will he go to a women's prison? So many questions.
   Chelsea is a little girl. She looks like she weighs about 105 soaking wet. Being such a petite thing the usual advice of hitting the first big guy that gives you shit in the yard, DOES NOT APPLY. So why not think out of the box, if you will. The one time I was in jail, the kid in the next cell set his mattress on fire and through a mix up, I was charged with attempted jail break and denied bail for 24 very tense hours. Before the mattress fire my only offense was riding a motorcycle without a helmet. If I ever get arrested again the first thing I'm gonna do is change my sex. When you think about it, it's brilliant. I'm a girl BITCH! Deal with it. I demand lipstick!
    Seriously, I feel for Private Chelsea. She got a bad deal from life in general. The chips were stacked against her from the beginning. I'm sure the recruiter that signed her....I mean him.... must have been short on his quota that month. This individual never should have been let in the military, let alone given access to all the info he was privy to. Like Snowden, he had the computer chops. These days that's all that matters. Who cares if you don't have a high school diploma or have a few sexual identity issues? He....she.... Manning was way too sensitive to witness the atrocities committed in our name, and be expected to turn a blind eye. The higher ups should've known that. I wish her luck. My advice? Wear flats, don't be too much of a slut, and write letters to Pussy Riot. They could be looking for back-up singers when you get out.