PRE-SEASON

  For all of you who are sick of poison gas and Lindsay Lohan's mother's drunken hi jinx, rest assured that it won't last that much longer. Soon we won't care about anything other than wind direction, temperature drops, fronts coming in (and leaving), snow, rain, and the almighty rut. Opening day of bow season is two weeks out. A couple of days after CURSE CULT church will find me in one of my seven stands, hung between here and there, listening, watching, straining to catch any movement or light reflection in the woods. Today I went to check on three of the closest stands.
  
   But first, lets update BAND OF ALL FAITHS personnel changes. The other night, as I was bitching about Tricky Travis being MIA to Ray Gilkey (the cat) I absentmindedly switched on the organ. As if on cue the cat jumped to the top of the organ and then walked down the key board. The thing groaned obscenely as Ray trod across the keys. He wasn't that bad. Hell, at least he showed up. I asked him to play AMAZING BAG. Ray looked at me and meowed like a bird. Ray Gilkey (the cat) used to be Ray Gilkey's cat Boots. The organ used to be Ray's organ. I'm sure there was a glimmer of recognition in Ray's bones (as well as ghost). Sadly the cat could not play that well and we are still forced to accommodate Tricky's erratic schedule. The good news is that we now have a new bass player -Greg Hard. Every bass player we've ever had has been called Greg. What's with that?
   Last night we were finally able to convene rehearsal and the organ promptly broke. Cat sabotage?  Other- worldly intervention? Dust? Who knows. In any case we now have no C cords. I'm no musician, but I'm sure we can probably work around this. How important can a C be? The more pressing issue is that we have no up on the altar talent. What happened to this performance art congregation? Give me some lip-syncing, a rant, Christ, stand on your head for fucks sake. This is supposed to be a community. I got one puppet lady I met at my brother's wedding and she hasn't seen the hymn words yet. She may bolt. You think you can burn your dollar and just sit back and let us entertain you? Think again. I'm telling you, you thought we sucked before? We suck worse....and we're rusty. I promise this will be the worst church ever......if you all don't step up. You know who you are.

The stands are all in good shape. I saw tracks, and jumped a few deer. Lets get this church over with so I can get in the woods and relax.