SHOOT THE ORGANIST

Anyone who is thinking of starting a religion should pay attention. Sure there are things to take into account when establishing a belief system that calls into question more traditional forms of faith based organization. When do you stand? When do you sit? What sort of headgear do the functionaries wear? Are there dietary laws? What dogma, doctrine or canon is written down? How much do you burn upon entry to the sanctuary? All these things are very important. But, one of the most important decisions you will make in your attempt to compete with "the big 3", is the selection of an organist. It's right up there with the diameter of the stripper pole. Ex: CLGM 2 1/2" OD. Let us spin.
    When the CLGM was founded in the winter of 1986 in NY's East Village,  the choice of an organist was a no-brainer. Jerry Lee Dublee Weems Willie Williams, guitar player for PURPLE GEEZUS was the only person I knew who could find his way across a keyboard. I bought a $50 Casio and Willie slid behind the "John Dillenger Memorial Organ". I know I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but......as frustrating as it was to have a sleep all day, vegan, dread wearing, bull jizz drinking, sickly, brilliant genius playing guitar in your rock band, try adding church organist to his duties. Like the collection basket, it is impossible to hold a church service without an organist. The battles I faced with trying to get JW to rehearse the hymns, or just show up to the services are legendary. But, once the "rock me" button was hit and those boney fingers danced across the ivories, all was good. The Little Green man was in his heaven and we were safe in his bosom. Alas Willie is now gone. He is sorely missed by all.

   The second incarnation of the CLGM in Glen Wild found us forming THE BAND OF ALL FAITHS. The integral vortex of the band? Once again- the organist. Without even trying, in walks the dread wearing, impossible to reach, cud chewing, garden weed smoking, barefoot vegan, Jerry Williams channeling, string bean, brilliant genius- Tricky Travis. I must've done something very bad in a previous life to deserve such punishment. What is it with fucking church organists? It's enough to make one turn atheist. I can flatter, cajole, whine, plead, threaten, whine some more......it has no effect on this guy. He doesn't have a car, yet when it comes to rehearsing he always seems to be in another state. How he gets there is anyone's guess. It's two weeks before CURSE CULT and we got nothing. The be all you can be mantra is no longer uttered. We have a couple of half finished hymns a clarinet player about to give birth, no drummer- "Scott Jarvis will no longer play in public." and a new bass player we've never met. So don't expect much. Forget the piano player. Shoot the organist.