SLACK JAWED MOUTH BREATHING HILL BILLY METH LAB OXYCONTIN MOONSHINE CHURCH

I'm calling church. I know it's early. But I need a reason to live at this point. As of this morning I'm down to one cat- Spooky Cat. Ray Gilkey disappeared back around New Years. At first I thought he was just holed up at a neighbor's. But now, I'm afraid he's gone. I've had cats coming and going for almost 20 years, and I've never found a corpse. I haven't seen Nicole in a couple of days and I'm worried. That leaves Spooky. Of the three SC is the least likable. He's a big, beautiful, healthy black and white specimen. Yet, he has an annoying tiny whine of a meow and is very needy. He was always low cat on the totem pole. Maybe I misjudged him. He could  have secretly been lulling the other two into complacency all along, only to finally pounce and murder them in their sleep. Psycho Kitty kes cu say. What the hell. I'm saving on cat food.
  First let me plug a project. Recently Shewho  helped me compile a book, encompassing the past two years of art work, up here on the mountain. I'm paying to have it printed up as a kind of expensive calling card. It will end up costing about $100 per copy for a 168 pg picture book. I know it's way too much to pay, but it's a way of showing the work....without showing the work. I'll have a copy laying around or you could bite the bullet and order it online. We just finished it. It looks great- if I do say so. But now it's time to move on. Time to plan the next church. So be prepared to get off yer asses.
    As usual we are sticking to a specific theme. This time the theme is white trash. And I hate to have to say this, but that does not mean all other-than-white parishioners cannot participate. You'd think I'd be done spelling out how inclusive we are by now. Read the sign people: "All are Welcome". For many of you, this theme will be no stretch at all. Still, there's work to be done. Start thinking of hymns, costumes and haircuts. For the girls (and some boys) I suggest mullets, daisy dukes and wife beaters. For the events- wet t-shirt contests, a little mud wrestling, moonshine tasting, and spelling bee. We do not condone the meth or oxy consumption (at least not on premises). Granted, these could help with the spelling bee. Congregant beware.
    Like I said,  for some it's a little early to get into character, for others it's only a matter of screwing the trailer door shut and coming over. Your animals, farm and otherwise, will be welcome. Dogs, cats, sheep, goats, pigs, and of course ferrets will be in attendance. Don't bother washing the kids, ha-ha, toss on your pajama bottoms and fuzzy slippers, jump in the pick up, bring a 12 pack of tall boys and come on over anytime to plan our attack of bad taste.  Oh yeah, anybody got a big rebel flag?