BEST CHURCH EVER

I know we say that every service, but this time it's really true. Talk about leaving on a high note. I think after 28 years we finally got it right. Usually a day or two after church I go into a funk. It's a predictable "post-par tum" depression that hits all artists and so-called "entertainers" after a show. All the anticipation and work that goes into a production is followed by the "day after Xmas blues". "Is that all there is?"  becomes the mantra swirling around inside one's noggin. But, for some reason all I feel is warm and self-satisfied today. Maybe the stars aligned or I finally was able to articulate my thoughts properly in the sermon, or maybe it's just the relief of passing the whole thing on. Either way, I feel like I just shot a monster buck on a cold winter morning. Success at last!
   Here's a little re-cap for those who were unable (or unwilling) to attend. We opened with MAN WITH CONSTANT BONER. In the words of BAF musical director Rifke Bat Sheitel "Is that the best you can come up with?" Since I wrote it, I'll answer that question. Yes. New band member Nutbush held down the beat on the washboard and provided a beautiful ass print of the stars and bars for the wall. Major Hollywood AD (Dallas Buyer's Club and that new one with Reese Witherspoon) Popul-U hit the pulpit with a great call and response, as the congregation took off their shoes and touched my funky feet. New congregant Kendy sang a couple of heart wrenchingly beautiful tunes as dogs and kids frolicked and snarled. Oh yeah, we had Jug player Pigpen's turkey in the lion cage, next to RNButch's Ferrari, as a helicopter swooped in to take some local VIPs for a ride over MYSTERYLAND. You can't make this shit up.
   Leila was made noviciate. Segal was mentioned as the mensch and RNButch was made scapegoat. All took to their new titles naturally. Blame RNB if anything goes wrong. Ritual Traviss sang one of his songs and as always, nailed it right to the floor. The hymns were great as were all performances and actions. Did I mention I'm Jewish Bogin drew everyone's picture, Greg hard rocked the bass, the Cardinal Tristan complained of burning the toxic rebel flags and......what am I forgetting? Oh yeah- the intervention. I tried finding a junkie amongst the congregation to no avail. So instead I decided to point out just how much Shewo does and how little credit she gets in putting together these services. As she squirmed on a stool, center stage, I had, I guess what you would call an epiphany. My legs buckled, I got down on my knees and in front of the LGM I asked the love of my life to marry me. To my relief she said yes. It's all a blur after that. Judging by the mess the next morning, everyone had a good time. I have no idea when the next church will be. But take note friends, family and congregation: a wedding is coming up. Check your mail for an invite. Maybe that's why I feel so good.