OSTERHOUT AND ASSOCS.

 I'm not a lawyer, but I've played one in court. The whole system is a silly pantomime that can be studied and imitated in a few sessions before the bench. But that doesn't mean it always works. Sometimes the old saying of "anyone who represents himself has a fool for a client" is germane to the circumstance; sometimes not. After successfully representing myself in NYC landlord/tenant court I got arrested for LSD and pot in Rockland County. After I was booked, fingerprinted and got my mugshot taken I asked the arresting officer how worried I should be? "If it was the city," he explained "it would be no big deal. A desk ticket. But this New City. The judge here likes to fight the Drug War from the bottom up. You are ripe to be knocked off the first rung." It was 1994. Still, I paid no attention, going to court ready to represent myself. 

"How do you plead Mr. Osterhout?" the judge asked. "Not guilty, your honor." I stated clearly. I had this. "Sir, do you have counsel?" the judge asked peering over his specs. "No sir." I said. "Do I need one?" The judge was obviously tickled by the question. "Well, not necessarily." he said, straightening his robes and leaning back in his chair. "I can decide on this case right now if you like...... if that's what you wish, but...." I caught the twinkle in his eye. "....but, if I were you I'd get a lawyer. If you can't afford one the court will appoint one for you." I weighed my options. "I think I'll get a lawyer." I said in defeat. He hit the gavel on his little block of wood. "Next case." I called the Public Defender the next day.

Representing one's self in small claims or landlord/tenant court is one thing. Taking the risk with one's freedom, thinking you have the cojones to prevail is something else. And this brings me to today's case load. Because of Little Bill's recent desecration of my SS Park and the fact that two artworks have yet to be returned, I'm once again dusting off the empty briefcase, looking for my lace up shoes and grey suit. The emails have already started. Just like last year's 500 Capp debacle (what is it about Dec. and legal problems?) this most recent battle could have easily been avoided with a little honesty. All Little Bill had to do was call me or his son. I would have gladly removed all the work with a little help from Francisco. LB's actions were stupid, unnecessary and as another lawyer friend put it, "kinda cruel." 

The ball is in Little Bill's court. I emailed him in Florida, explaining my position and my willingness to drop the whole thing if the work is returned or he financially compensates me. As Milawyer put it, "he may be liable for both civil and criminal penalties." I'm weighing my options. Litigation? Arrest? Money? These are his choices. If it goes to court do I represent myself or seek outside counsel? We'll see. For now I'm still trying to shoot a doe. Priorities.