Saturday, September 13, 2014




The fog is lifting. The big Coit Tower phallus is poking up through a thick, white, morning blanket of mist. If I crane my neck, while leaning over my third floor balcony at the Columbus Motor Inn, I can see it clearly. A homeless person is leaning against the brick wall of the building across the street, taking a leak. SF treats its homeless  as good (or better) than PETA looks after the furry creatures of the world. Some are crackheads, skeeze balls, skanks and faceless ass sniffers....from way back. Down on their luck, dirty, bleary-eyed and angry, some are just poor lost souls. But they are all free range. Here in this magic city bed rolls on cardboard are stashed neatly in corners, under trees and right on the side walk. No one fucks with them. The homeless are as welcome as the seals and the parrots, just one of the many tourist attractions SF offers.
    I've come to SF to deliver a lecture as part of The San Francisco Art Institute's Graduate Lecture Series. I've done this gig before, but not since 2001, right before the towers went down. A lot has happened in 13 years. As luck would have it I flew out on Thurs.- 9/11. Aside from some seat changing, no food and a woman traveling with 2 screaming infants, two seats  away, it was a non-eventful flight. Three hours in, with those red faced little darlings screeching at the top of their lungs, I prayed for an ISIS executioner.
    I don't miss living in NYC. I can go in any time i want, but don't. But, damn if i don't miss SF. This place has a vibe all its own. I lived here from 1975- 1983. It was a way different town back then, but so was every place. I only know a couple of people here now, but with the Art Institute as a base, i know within a couple of weeks I could have a completely new community. It's easy here. Sure, it's a little heavy on Burning Man types, dot coms and pot bellied tourists, but all in all, I think I could come back.
    Yesterday's lecture went great. I filled the lecture hall and only lost one or two all the way through an hour long power point. This was after my host El Prof. looked at my 18 pages of text, huffed indignantly and told me to read fast. That's just what someone wants to hear when trying to relax before a talk. What the fuck? Did he have an appointment at I tried to ignore his tight timeline, and eased into a presentation that started in 1965 with the Cardiff Giant. Fuck. Maybe I was gonna drone on for too long. My mouth went dry and i started to sweat. Easy- I told myself. You got this.
   In the end the talk was a success. The students dug it. The faculty shook my hand and even El Prof. had to admit I had done good. Nailed it! Fist bump.  Now i have a week in SF and an open schedule. Maybe I'll catch a game in Oakland, or do a couple of more studio visits with students, or drive El Prof.'s golf cart while he chips a few. It's great to be back. Smell that air! If they only had good deer hunting......

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Sunday, September 7, 2014


Saturday, September 6, 2014



Leader of the free gift giving world S. Claus was executed yesterday by The Islamic State. It had been widely reported that the rosey cheeked philanthropist had been missing from his workshop for some time now.  Speculation had been rampant as the shopping season fast approached, leaving his inner circle of elves leaderless at a time of great importance in the decision making process. At first it was rumored that Mr. and Mrs. Claus had taken a well deserved vacation with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. But when Mrs. Claus turned up in rehab and the power couple were not in attendance at Brangelina's recent nuptials, North Pole resident's worst fears were confirmed.
   It seems while on a sleigh ride over Ukraine early in the summer (possibly ordered by the CIA) Rudolf was struck by a stinger missile, sending the sled into a downward spiral and crash. The surviving reindeer were reportedly executed and eaten by Ukrainian forces. Santa was then taken prisoner and traded with ISIS fighters in return for 20 cases vodka and a promise to crucify Putin. In a Youtube video released yesterday Santa appears clean shaved, confused and in an orange jump suit, kneeling before his steak knife wielding executioner.  He seemed to have lost the twinkle in his eye. He addressed the boys and girls of the world, telling them that this year he would not be keeping track of who was naughty or nice, and basically everybody was on their own. He advised moms and dads to shop early and mentioned that the new iphone was.......and then he was decapitated.

   Condolences from around the world have poured into Santa's North Pole workshop. Mrs. Claus, who remains in seclusion, released a statement expressing her deep sorrow at the loss of her husband and echoed his sentiments, also encouraging everyone to shop early and not be swayed by Samsung's new product line. She wore a red, white and blue apple on her holiday sweater. In a rare move of solidarity with Elfin forces President Obama suggested changing CHRISTMAS to CLAUSMAS, removing CHRIST once and for all from the holiday. How this will effect the economy is anyone's guess.  As the world mourns the loss of a great capitalist icon, one can only speculate where this will all end. The EASTER BUNNY did not return any of our calls. Pray for his safety.    

Monday, September 1, 2014