COUNT TRUMPULA AND DR. CARSONSTEIN'S MONSTER

This week's SNL is slated to be hosted by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. If I hadn't stopped watching the show more than 20 years ago I would boycott it. But I guess because they had Hitlery on they were compelled to give equal time to the other side. Since there seems to be no stopping the Lorne Michael's juggernaut, lets see how we can make the hate filled Republicans funny.

I know Halloween's over, but vampires are always funny. So my first bit would be to put The Donald in a high collared cape and tux for the monologue. (Applause)
   "Good evening.....(Cardboard bats all around his head. Continues in fake Eastern European accent.) "I just flew in and boy are my Mexican hookers tired." (Opens cape to reveal two sad looking Latina women.) Burps. "Excuse me. Anyone got any American blood? Too much spicy rapist hemoglobin." (Trump smiles evilly, exposing bloody fangs.)

(Crickets)

Then from stage left Dr. Carson emerges from the shadows, arms out stretched, sutures and forceps dangling from his exposed brain. (applause) Count Trumpula frowns. "What the fuck? My people were told that he wouldn't be here. Where's Michaels?" Sparks fly from Carsonsteins' brain pan. He twiddles with the forceps and speaks in a low whisper. "Bare with me. I will heal thyself- self-self-self-self-self......" Trump punches him in the stomach and he smiles dimly and turns slowly to choke the count. "If the Jews just had guns the Nazis wouldn't have had a chance, Mr. Christie." the monster drools. Trump struggles and both men fall in a pile. The Latina women run off stage, as the camera pans the stunned audience, landing on one well dressed man. It's El Chapo. "LIVE FROM NY IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"

You can take it from there.