Tuesday, November 29, 2016


 I have five roosters. Their names are Tristan, Samm, Teddy, Tessa, and Pete. I had six, but Carlo disappeared. Now that the weather's turned bad I got them a heated water bowl and try to get them in the lion cage every night. That worked when it was 20 degrees and snowing. But with the mild thaw, they've taken back to the trees. They've got me so trained to hear their morning crows, that if I don't hear them in my ear at 5 am I get worried. That's what happened this morning.
   It was pouring rain and I had to register my new car "Beth", so I tried to sleep in. Cheeky, used to my deer hunting sched., wasn't having it. He got me up at 7:00. By 8:00 the birds were still on the roost. That seemed a bit unusual. As I poured another cup of coffee I finally saw them fly down. Then I heard manic squawking. WTF? I looked out the window and saw a big pitbull chasing them across the lawn. I ran out in my ratty bathrobe, broom in hand, and chased the dog down the road, as the birds scattered in terror. This started my day and my dealings with local government.

   Town of Fallsburg has no listed dog catcher so I called Nancy the Town of Thompson dog catcher. She got right back to me and told me that Joanne was the Town of Fallsburg dog catcher and gave me her number. I called it and a machine told me her box was full. What kind of dog catcher doesn't empty her message box? I was getting pissed. I called the town clerk. She told me to call Joanne. I explained the full box issue and she referred me to the police. Here's an excerpt:

"Is dog catcher a paid position?"
"Yes. You know you have the police?"
"It's a helluva note that a dog catcher doesn't answer a call. What the fuck are you guys running here?"
"Sir. Just keep trying. This is the police. We have no jurisdiction over dogs."
"I know it's the fucking police. The clerk said to call you guys."
"Try your town supervisor- Steve Vigilante."

   And this is where government works...or maybe it's just who you know. Steve is a member of the church. So when the pastor is up in arms, goddamn if he doesn't respond in minutes. He tells me he's on it and Joanne will call me. She does and tells me if I catch the dog she'll come get it. So she's actually the dog come getter, not the catcher.  I'm freaking out! I'm worried about my roosters and Cheeky and tell her "I hope I don't have to shoot the dog." I'm really just bluffing. I'll never shoot the dog. It's a beautiful dog. But Joanne tells me "You'd be within in your rights. Shoot it if you want." This is small town government at work. Dogs don't vote.
   I now have two roosters in the lion cage and no sign of the rest. I'm hoping they are just scattered and will return. I told Steve, I would like to put my name in the running for dog catcher. I don't know if it's an elected position or not, but if it is I'm running. My promise is I'll at least try to catch 'em. So please don't shoot them. Vote Democrat!


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