BRONK AND CANDY'S TANGERINGE TIME MACHINE

Yesterday, while standing in Kutsher's tacky ballroom, listening to technocrap, Care-a and I got to talking about She-who and her flamboyant past as a teenage lounge singer in Japan. "I have a movie she's in." I bragged. "She gave it to me for my birthday." I had yet to watch it. Then today, after moving woodpiles around I came in the house and popped the VHS in the machine. You can google it. It's called BRONK AND CANDY'S TANGERINE TIME MACHINE. It's from 1982. I was a bit shocked by the title but Shewho assured me it wasn't porn. "Is there titties?" I asked. She rolled her eyes and nodded. I'm there.
Now I've known Shewho since the 1988 and one of the best things about her is I haven't even scratched the surface. There are many layers to this little onion. So, I dusted off the remote and settled in. "Is that her?" I asked the chair. Naw. Then during the opening titles there she was, in a Farrah Fawcet do and a slinky white number. Damn! Candy was smoking! In fact in a movie totally revolving around T&A, and teenage sluts, Candy was the fast girl. Could I be objective about this? I don't know. I answered myself, as I fast forwarded to catch Candy again.
It really was a time machine. Here was Shewho in all her glory, 5 or so years before I met her. It was like a home movie...only better. There was a plot (sort of) and a Candy solo dance # in cowboy hat and daisy dukes! Christ, I was sweating. Bronk was Candy's love interest- a letter sweat wearing, knuckle head jock, but he couldn't hold her. Candy was way too much babe for him. Shewho made me promise not to show this tape to anyone. I wish to God I could. But she didn't say I couldn't review it. So here goes.

BRONK AND CANDY'S TANGERINE TIME MACHINE is a dark romp through Southern California teenage horndom circa early 80's. Complete with angry bulldyke locker room shavedown scene (that may just scar me for life), and obligatory arobocize session with lots of leg warmers and headbands, this movie will go down as one of the all time classic genre pictographs, bypassing such aping lesser fare as Porky's and Going All The Way. Dan Waldman is superb, as is Eileen Davidson as the brooding, erect nipple P.J. But none come close to capturing the essense of inner angst and budding sluttiness as ______________ in her role as Candy. Sylvia Summers move aside. A bright new talent has arrived. Bravo!