KILLIN' FER CHRIST

All my life I've loved TV. And for a good chunk of it I've loved hunting. Well it just so happens now that I have a satellite dish, I can watch the hunting shows on two channels- Versus and Pursuit. If I'm not in the woods I can watch other people hunt on TV. After a season of watching I now have a pretty good grasp on what's out there. Want wacky and irreverent? There's THE BEST AND WORST OF TRED BARTA (who now inexplicably is in a wheel chair) or the "young gun" GUN IT WITH BENNY SPIES. This guy is a likable grunge knucklehead who drives around South Dakota in a '73 Mini-Winni, hunting deer on frozen golf courses. Or if you're looking for hot couples who kill deer together there's a bunch of hunks with tiffanys who can shoot the eye out of a chipmunk at 50 yards with a bow. My favorite is the more practical nuts and bolts approach of DEER AND DEER HUNTING. Whitetail photographer and hunter par excellence Charlie Alsheimer dishing up good biology and hunting tips. But for shear complex twistedness there's TED NUGENT'S TOOTH AND CLAW and a slew of Christian hunting programs.

It being "SUNDAY SERVICES' on Pursuit Channel, the Christians are knocking 'em silly with fist pumping, praise the Lord for that double lung shot, God help me Jesus find that blood trail, pure joy. Almost every show has a sunset shot, maybe a little scripture, as well as the money shot. The parallels between a hunting show and 20 minutes of porn is apparent. There's a lot of build up before the bow is drawn and the arrow loosed. Hell, there's not much else out there. If Dave Chapelle came back with a hunting show I'd never leave the house.

But I did leave the house today. I had a six, two spikes and a doe in front of me. The wind was gusting right in my face. Then I saw a big rack moving through the woods.......JESUS CHRISTMAS!