EVOLUTION

1. An unfolding process of development or change.

   I've always used this word when people ask about THE CHURCH OF THE LITTLE GREEN MAN. When they ask what we believe, I answer that it is "an evolving theology". It's another way of saying that we make it up as we go along. Too many things in this world are held back by definition. It's nice to have no restraints. Recently President Obama has "evolved" his opinion on gay marriage to the degree that (with the prodding of Veep Biden) he came out in the pro column. I have no such problem with that issue. As far as I'm concerned anyone who engages in any particular sexual practice should be allowed to make all the same mistakes as die hard heterosexuals. I hope someone told them that gay divorce is not quite as much fun as the wedding.
   I'm leaning against a tree, tucked in the high wet grass, overlooking a big field shrouded in fog. I've been after a group of birds that are roosting on the opposite ridge for two weeks now. They are predictably gobbling like crazy just after dawn. What is unpredictable is where they are going to fly down. I've had them pegged in the woods only to have them hit the big open field. Likewise I've set up in the field only to have them fly across the river, head up the ridge or just shut up and disappear. This morning I have a decoy set up and by their gobbles i can tell they are moving through the woods.....closer.
   As I squint into the fog, hoping to see black dots materialize in the wet grass, I ponder all this talk of evolution. Recently I vowed not to shoot anymore coyotes. After years of putting the hammer down on these critters at any opportunity I decided that they had just as much right to hunt turkey and deer as I did. I had evolved. No sooner had this thought drifted through my skull than I caught sight of a brown back skulking through the field. Damn! I gently stroked my call and he raised his head. Immediately the birds shut up. He saw the decoy and headed straight for it at a good trot. I put my gun on my knee. He closed the distance in seconds. All this evolution was wrecking havoc with my head. I clicked off the safety and settled the sights on his chest. When he was 6 feet from the decoy he stopped. I had him.
   Then a funny thing happened. I didn't pull the trigger. My evolution was holding. Every muscle twitched. My head pounded. All the DNA that had gotten me this far boiled in my blood. I was hard wired into the food chain to kill this animal....and I didn't. The furry little fuck had spooked the turkeys, ruining my hunt. As soon as he sniffed that rubber decoy he spun and took off across the field. For the next hour he circled. Nothing gobbled. And eventually I gave up. The fog lifted and I drug my ass home empty handed. Right now I don't know what I think. Will I develop a furry tail or gills on my dick? I have no idea how this process will unfold. All I know is this evolution is a bitch.