DICK AND BOBBIE

  Back in the summer, when mom was fading fast, I had the opportunity to have my work on the reality TV show "Oddities". Mike and Evan and the crew drove up to my place and shot an episode around their search for a center piece for their new store. Last night it aired. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

   I hardly go to the city anymore. But I do try to stick to my Valentine's Day tradition of dinner with Shewho and Teehoo in town. This year Teehoo is in the Islands with her riche friends. So instead, my old friend El Prof. and his daughter (my goddaughter) Monasita are in the NYC, and join us for dinner. Mona's friend Rosin joins us and later Chuck McC. After chow we go to Participant where we are treated to an Andy Kaufman mini-retrospective hosted by Mike Smith and Dan Graham. Only the true artfags who read my column can really appreciate the absurdity of this pairing. True brilliance on the part of the Andy Festival organizers. At one point Andy brings his parents on Letterman just to tell them he loves them. I'd forgotten just what a genius Andy Kaufman was.This brings me back to my dying mother and Oddities....no wait. I forgot about the car.

   After having a great night with everyone, Shewho and I head north on the West Side Highway. At about 33rd St., in bumper to bumper 11am traffic, beepers start to go off in the car. I look at the temp. gauge and it's buried in the red. I pull over. Two helpful city guys get me water and funnel it in to the reserve....but nothing happens. The beeping gets more insistent. What do we do? Shewho jumps into i-phone search mode and finds Mike's Auto on 30th. Non-typical of any car breaking down experience I've ever experienced, we pull in and they jump into action like an Indy pit crew. There's Bobby the old white guy with mustache, a whole crew of cats from the "Islands" and Eric the young, polite, no nonsense owner. Our Saviors.
    We spend the afternoon strolling through galleries, having a relaxed lunch and sitting on the skyline. What the fuck has happened to me? I NEVER do this. By 5pm we are back on the road and eating pizza in front of the stove by 8pm. We both reflect on how unusually smooth it all went. I don't want to jinx it....but I could get used to things going like this.

    When mom was dying and the TV people were filming in the church I had the idea that I would somehow get my parents names on TV. I won't give it away but it goes something like this: Mike O. leads Evan and Mike into his church. The money burning flame is lit. They Oooooo and Ahhhhhh as the camera pans around the room. Finally they get to what they've been in search of. Mike O. reaches down and slowly lifts the canvas cover......"I named this after my parents." I say "I call it Dick and Bobby. You'll see why." All I wanted was for them not to cut this part. I wanted to give my parent's a shout out, even if they couldn't hear it.
   Last night we went out to WSSP II. With Chuck, Tess, Ace, and Shewho, I watched in nervous anticipation as the show unrolled. I realized I have a very evil sounding, sinister laugh. As I led Evan and Mike towards what they would eventually use as the center piece for their new store, and reach down to uncover it, I hear me say "I named this after my parents. I call it Dick and Bobby." Success.