THE DRONE HUNTER

    For some reason I never got my annual post deer season cold this year. I shivered through the winter, reading Dr. Frederick Cook's frigid accounts of searching for the North and South Poles and climbing Denali, all without a sniffle. And now, a week before turkey season, as the weather warms, I'm sick as a dog. My throat is raw, and snot is flowing into my mustache. Shewho is busy in the city trying to get Teehoo to decide on a college (without much luck), so I'm on my own. Not to worry. I'm used to it.
   Last night Diamond Dave dropped by with some eye medicine, and as we sat out on the deck a fancy Cadillac SUV pulled up. It was RNButch's dad- Bronco Billy. BB's an old timer in this neck of the woods. As I sat there, drooling snot, talk turned to DD's new scorched earth policy down on the farm. For some reason these guys love to dig ponds, knock down trees and try to "control" MOTHER NATURE. In the words of RNButch "I like my fields and my ________ closely trimmed." Look out MN they're coming in for the close shave. Don't get me wrong. I love these guys. I just like a few more branches in my view. Besides, what choice do I have. I'm surrounded by rich city park planners.
   The conversation moved on to what the NYS DEC thinks of all this. DD said he had called them and Bronco Billy frowned. "Never call the DEC." he suggested. I agree. And this got me to daydreaming about opening day of turkey season. My newest tool in my turkey hunting arsenal is a beautiful little remote controlled flying device, otherwise known as a "drone". Before the DEC outlaws hunting with such high tech instruments, I figured I'd give it a try. For the cost of a moderately priced shotgun you can purchase a sweet little helicopter complete with video camera. I don't have a cell phone, but DD had given me a little ipod that serves as the control panel. Download some soft wear and before you know it you are airborne.
   Forget what you've ever heard about turkeys being dumb. They are smart mother fuckers. And one of the hardest things to do in the hunting process is locate them. The traditional way is to trudge through the woods, or peek in open fields, wearing off your boot rubber, calling like a crow until you hear a gobble. Although I've yet to figure out how to drop ordinance from my drone, as a scouting tool it should be invaluable. Do I hunt RNB's fields or head over to DD's? Well, in this brave new world I can sit here on the deck, power up my drone and send it soaring  across the road, over the camels, hugging the terrain, gaining altitude, climbing in front of RNButch's house....first floor......second floor.....Oh SHIT! I check the camera. Sorry Mrs. Butch. I had no idea that was your bedroom. Still got a few kinks to work out.