NOT UP THE NOSE. NOT ON THE BALD SPOT

My modeling career has been spotty. It started with MACHO MODELING. My idea was to get modeling gigs for "manly" products like guns, cigarettes, hunting magazines, ect. I did get one gig as the poster boy for SPORTS AFIELD holding a deer rifle and then I hit a dry spell....... of about 30 years. But this weekend  I went back in the business.
    The shoot was for a new line of eyewear called MR. POWERS. The photographer, Big Bill Eadon, said it was gonna be "fun" and pay $500. Screw fun. I'm in. Nonetheless Big Bill kept insisting that it would be chill and we were gonna "think outside the box". That's right up there with "fun" for me. Then he mentioned "I'm looking for a ball gown for you. Something sexy." My first reaction to this was negative. I'm never opposed to making a fool of myself for free. But as a "pro".......Did I really want to sell some guy's eyewear in a dress? I'd have to sleep on it.
   I woke up at 4:00 am and emailed Big Bill. "Dress fine. Something to match my eyes." For $500 I'd put up with a lot. Milawyer pulled in at 5:00 and we hit the road for Mupp's. No sooner had we opened the door than we heard gobbles. I scampered up the hill, with Milawyer sucking a bit of wind, trying to keep up. I was practically running to get on these bird. And just as we got set up, the birds went silent. Damn. We barely heard another gobble all morning, and never saw a bird. That was Saturday. Milawyer dropped me off after buying me another breakfast. My martini swilling, knife throwing, hunting buddy was heading back to West Virginia. And I had to be home by noon for my photo shoot.

   Three days in the woods, with plenty of sunlight had turned my face lobster red. Big Bill showed up with his gal Liz and Hollie Witchey. The girls made lunch and video taped BB and I donning the dress and rocking the shades. "Front. Three quarter. Now profile." Bill directed. It all came back to me. Even my ass hairs, that by now had grown into tiny, little needles, weren't bothering me. I was in the zone. Hollie suggested I put the tip of the frames between my teeth and look pensively in the distance. It's called "The Witchey Gnarl"- not quite a gnaw, not quite a snarl. I killed it. I was back.

Today I was on my own in the woods. Since I didn't have to meet any one, I even slept in. I didn't get behind Diamond Dave's until 7:00 am. The sun was bright and everything was quiet. I kept walking and calling until I finally heard a gobble. It sounded like it was all the way across the river. It was. The bird was on Gilkey's ridge in a laurel patch so thick there was no way to sneak up on it. I got as close as I dared and tried to get the tom to fly across the river to me. He answered every call and a few times he was so close the tree tops swayed and the ground shook. I must've worked that bird for two hours. I even called a hen in, curiously wondering what all the racket was about. Eventually he just moved away.  Then all went silent......again.

Along with my re-entry into the world of modeling, today i also did my first Skype lecture. It was for Whitney Whitney's class at the San Franciso Art Institute. I used to do a lecture or two every year on my work, but it's been a few years since I've been "representative" to  any degree.  That's a nice way of saying they can't figure out what the fuck you are doing and the students don't know who you are. This class was on working with others, either as fabricators or collaborators. I've done loads of both. WW was nice enough to ask me to show up for a Q&A via internet. So I clipped my nose hairs, sprayed on a little fake tan and set up a Skype account. It was fun. I tried to think outside the box. But I didn't wear a dress. Modeling and Academia in one week. And still no turkey.