SMALL TOWN SCATOLOGY

  These days, when I'm not in the woods, I'm catching catnaps, checking emails and watching reality TV. I'm off fb. It was a mutual split. The TV watching is research for what's out there in the genre, just in case I get a chance to step up. It's pretty bleak. The really successful ones like Duck Dynasty or Deadliest Catch are boring as shit. And new contenders are still coming. Chasing Tail is a group of addicted deer hunters from Vermont plopped down in suburban Ct. to "lawn hunt" pesky bush eaters. These guys can't get enough deer killing out of their blood back home, so they lay a buck down on the pool cover and hang another stand over the tennis courts. It's kinda pitiful. The one bright light is Small Town Security. This one rocks.
    STS is a sick crew of characters, that by my trained eye, are genuine. The Captain is a toupee wearing hoarder, whose turds are so big he has to always have a "shit stick" near the crapper to dispatch of the offending log, in order to spare the pipes. The Chief is a complex, charmingly freaky woman, who laughs so hard at the sound of farts, she pees herself. She also cusses so much, her voice has a musical rap cadence to it. An assortment of dimwitted security guards and "investigators" round out the cast. It's fucking BRILLIANT!
   All this pee-pee, poo-poo entertainment must be in the air. There is now a pee-tweet being implanted in diapers for a test run on Brazil's infants. Very simply if the kid does his or her business you get a tweet. I hope you get a turd or splashy icon, so you can prepare yourself. I don't know how I will work this use of scatological imagery into HWSTV. But I can see it's going to be important to stay current. Looks like a supermodel table reading is in order.