THE CAGE

JUST ASK A WHITE PERSON

 I know I've been silent for a while. There's no real reason for this, other than a lack of anything much to say. It's been a long winter. But opening day of turkey season is on Thurs., so expect things to pick up in the narrative. This is called "hunting" with supermodels. Also the next service of the CLGM is sched. for Memorial Sunday, so I'm sure I'll have some congregation cage rattling in the near future. In the meantime Pussy Riot is traveling around being treated like rockstars, Ukraine is smoldering, and here at home stupid white men are getting a lot of well deserved press for being racist assholes. You wonder why we are burning the rebel flag? Let me tell ya.
   Back in the 90's, years before 9/11 and the subsequent re-emergence of patriotic flag waving, the CLGM called a service at Max. Fish down in the East Village. It was The American Flag Burning Church. The Supreme Court had come down on the side of the 1st amendment, guaranteeing  the right to burn the flag as an example of free speech. (I still don't know if burning dollars is protected....but who cares?) We in the church took this as a perfect opportunity to flex our protest muscles. Congregants ponied up a dollar for a little American flag and burned it as admission to the service. I still have the burnt wooden flag poles as relics. Not to repeat ourselves, the upcoming service will replace the US flag with the stars and bars of the Confederacy. Yee-haw muthafucker! Light me up.
    An old southern rock musician once called the flying of the rebel flag as "Nazi-Lite". I agree. It's not the geographical south that this flag represents. It's "Ideological Dixie" that is glorified. Need some recent examples? Zimmerman (George not Robert), Dean (Paula not James), Robertson (Phil not Robbie), the gun-toting, cattle punching, Republican hero, racist Marlboro man from Nevada, Bundy (Clive not Ted) and the bigot of the week- slumlord billionaire, owner of the LA Clippers, Donald Sterling. It seems that no matter what the subject of an interview may be, all the reporter has to do is ask what the white person thinks about black people and keep the rec. button down. The plantationcentric, hardcore, cotton-pickin', "negro" bashing vitriol that follows is mind blowing. In Sterling's case, he didn't know anyone but his mixed race girlfriend was listening. This makes his comments no less shocking. We'll have to wait to learn what he thinks of the mix.
    A few services back I introduced a character at church called Ku Klux Klown. I googled the Klan and found someone who sells Klan robes. (God bless the interweb). Then I had a handkerchief embroidered with a big clown frowny face, that I attached to the hood. My plan was to do battle with three hot girls as part of the "Foxy Boxing" service. Predictably they beat the shit out of this evil archetype (me), to the congregation's delight. Misconstrued by some as a shockingly "racist" act, I also burned a handheld cross, in full Klan regalia, in the church front yard. Come on people. Have we learned nothing? At least I can still shock a few.
   HILLBILLY HEROIN CONFEDERATE FLAG BURNING CHURCH OF THE LITTLE GREEN MAN will convene Memorial Sunday afternoon. As everyone knows by now, heroin has replaced Oxy and meth here in the sticks. Hell, even the elementary school teachers are hitting up in the Fallsburg faculty lounge. We like to be current. As Michelle Alexander has beautifully informed us the "New Jim Crow" is all about. Institutional racism permeates American culture. As an artist, I feel it's my duty to once in a while address this. The sad fact is that the CLGM remains predominantly white. There's not much I can do about this. I never have any idea who will show up, or what color they may be. All I can do is reiterate what the sign says- All are Welcome. Just bring a dollar (or your dirty works). We'll supply the flags. Are we racist? Are we junkies? I guess you'll just have to attend to find out. Keep the rec. light on.    
       

HILLBILLY HEROIN CONFEDERATE FLAG BURNING CHURCH- MEMORIAL SUNDAY 2014

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