PASSING THE CARROT

  When I tell people I went to seminary the reaction is predictable. I can see by the look on their faces that they figure I'm one of those people who grew up religious, stayed on the straight and narrow, only to have some epiphany or crisis of heart that threw me off course. Why else would a former seminarian run a money burning church with poo-poo ca-ca hymns? Well, that couldn't be farther from the truth. I grew up far from religious, acquired a curiosity for theology during art school and ran with it in my work. The CLGM, formed in 1986, is what remains of this interest in "God stuff". I never developed faith in anything, other than my ability to make it this far without a steady job. Praying all I want will not increase my social security check.
   I'm old. I know I've said this since I was in my 30's. Middle age never appealed to me. It's like suburbia- neither here nor there. And now I really am old. I hope to be old for a very long time. Being old allows me some perspective and hopefully some wisdom. The last church we had on the Lower East Side was in October of 2001. This was the EMERGENCY INFIDEL CHURCH. Like having 24 hour AIDS, it was not an easy task to make fun of 9/11, esp. when you could still step out the door of Max. Fish and smell the burnt plastic and sickly sweet smoke that permeated downtown. Nonetheless we did our best. I felt it was our job, as the fools we are, to keep things in perspective....before the tanks came marching in.
    Many years passed before we would form a fresh congregation and re-convene services here in Glen Wild. It was a new day and the youth of Slick, the Buddes, Drekes, Tricky, GNJohn, and the rest of the congregation allowed us to keep current and not be, as Teehoo put it,  " a bunch of old losers, reliving their glory days." But now we are 5 years in and it's gone stale again. Transpose this upcoming theme of HILLBILLY HEROIN....... to LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS CHURCH. The grumblings of the inner circle are too loud to ignore. So, in response to this inertia of interest I am formally stepping aside. The CLGM is now in the hands of the youth. Slick and Tricky will take the reins, set the date, theme and tone of any future service of the CLGM (or not). I'm at their service in any degree I can help. But I will not be on point anymore. In order for any religion to survive it must change and grow....or just pass quietly in the night. We'll see which direction it takes. The carrot is now in your hands. May the little man guide you.