DATE NIGHT WITH AVA

Last night Shewho came over to do her wash (her machine broke) and have dinner. I’d prepared a nice venison stew on the woodstove. She brought two bottles of wine and some pot candies along with all the dirty towels Teehoo had left in her wake while staying with her mom. As the wash churned and the venison simmered Shewho asked if she could play me something on her iPhone? Ugh. Never owning such a device I’ve become increasingly annoyed at people swiping, texting, chking Instagram….on and on. I figured it was some cat video. “Just send it to me later.” I grumbled “I don’t want to bother with it now.” But, Shewho was persistent, as she fiddled with my speaker, turning off Massive Attack. I had no chance of stopping her. As the pleasant voice began to read, Shewho sat in the chair with a big shit eating grin on her face . “Just listen.” She insisted. I heard the voice talk about the very subject I had been writing about for the past couple of weeks – the summer of 1816, Mt. Tamboro’s eruption, climate change, etc. Increasingly annoyed, I couldn’t believe there was a podcast covering everything I’d been working on. “Fuck.” I moaned, “Where’d you find this?” “Listen.” Shewho repeated with that Cheshire cat grin still on her face. Then I got it. HOLY SHIT! It was MY writing. I write fast. And, no matter what I write, I always try to cajole Shewho into reading it. My attempts at “sharing” are always met with resistance. Somehow with a wave of her magic A.I. wand, Shewho was able to drop the word doc. Text into an A.I. generated stew, select “Ava” as the voice that would read my words and presto-change-o you got an audio-book. I couldn’t believe my ears. We sat there, my chin on my chest, mouth agape, until it got embarrassing, listening to Ava deliver my words with subtle legitimacy. I felt like I was at Barnes and Noble listening to a hot girl read from my best seller. Shewho cracked up, knowing she had really gotten me. I had nothing. So from now on, if I send any of you a text to read, don’t bother. Go to www.naturalreaders.com , find Ava and give her my words. She’ll take it from there. Listen in the car, the toilet, while you are doing yoga, etc. There’s no more need to squint, or keep a train of thought. Let Ava’s soothing voice lull you into the right mood to consume what I’m trying to share with you. It’s fucking painless. Hell, you could probably do it with the blog.