THE CHANGE

Yesterday I strapped on the trapping basket, loaded the .243 and trudged through the woods checking traps. Now that winter is upon us, just finding them can be a chore. (note: do not poke through the snow with your finger.) Some traps were sprung, others were frozen solid to the ground. None contained critters. Up here in the Catskills there's a couple of inches of dusty snow on the ground, whipped into a fine mist by 45 mph NW winds. I don't want to hunt, let alone work in this shit. Checking traps, and hoping maybe I'll kick a deer out of a bed in the process, is about all i can do.
Every trap I carefully reset and lay in fresh bait. My rubber gloves are frozen blue prothesises, of little use. No coyote tracks. Barely any deer tracks. It's like every animal in the forest is sitting tight, letting this front blow itself out, before foraging for a meal. Still, I know time is limited. Muzzle loader season ends on 12/18 and from then until March 25th it's only coyote. You think they're difficult to trap? Try hunting them. Coyote hunting makes deer hunting look like shooting fish in a barrel. They have the sight, smell and hearing of a supernatural beast. Add to that, sub-zero weather, 2 feet of snow and you can see how I'd love going after them with a call and a furry decoy.
If all this sounds negative and futile, it must be that I'm going through the change. Only women bleed, but hey, they do call it MEN-o-pause. I can feel a mustache growing on my upper lip and when I step in the kitchen I'm freezing and in the living room I sweat. My mood swings from easy going nothing bothers me, to bitchy drama queen histrionics. I argue with people I love and make nice with that bitch Dawn down at the propane store. Everything is topsy-turvy. Tonight I'm supposed to play guitar with Slick and watch the Vic. Secret show. Maybe that will smooth out the rough edges. Or maybe today will be the day I see horns or get fur in the traps. Who knows it's still early. Ought oh. My t-shirt is wet. I think I'm starting to lactate. Is this suppose to happen?