HUMENISM

   On Sunday night Fox news commentator Brett Hume made the best pitch for Christianity I'd ever heard. Referring to Tiger Woods' recent sex addiction mess, and string of large breasted hoochies, he noted that Tiger's chosen faith of Buddhism was ill equipped to handle such a fall from grace. He suggested (with absolutely no irony) that Tiger embrace Jesus, seek forgiveness, get back on the links, win a few rounds and become a shining example to us all. With hunting season over and the hawk at the door, it looks like art, sex and religion until turkey season in May. It could be worse. I could keep bitching about my week at work.

   Now, I know who Tiger Woods is. He's a mixed race golfer who's so fucking good, the racist sport doesn't even notice his color anymore. What I didn't know was that he had such a squeaky clean image. I hate golf and really could give a shit who's a drunk, a drug addict, or a hound dog. If Tiger told the world he was as pure as the driven snow, who were we to argue. But if there is one thing that Americans love more than believing that crap, it's finding out it's all a lie. Hume is right. Jesus is perfect for Tiger. Remember those thieves on either side of him on Black Friday? Like Obama on Thanksgiving, looking that big fat feathery butterball in the eye, Mr. Christ pardoned them. Let Buddha top that one.

    But let me remind Brett Hume, does anyone remember Vanessa Williams' had her nose up another girl's pumice in Penthouse or that Kobe had a little legal trouble or O.J......? OK we still remember O.J., but he's the exception. Jimmy Swaggert cried and cried. Charles Colson found God in prison. Brittney, Lindsey, Paris, Robert Blake, Charlie Sheen and a whole slew of of Hollywood reprobates go in and out of favor all the time. It's either 12 steps or Jesus Tiger. Make a choice. Change what you can. Convert if you have to. Just do it.