FOR SALE

Hot on the heels of Jerry Williams' passing I went down to the river to check on the baptism access. I was shocked to see that the sign was missing- post and all. Earlier in the summer I had been ordered to remove the LGM's cemetery signs because I had put them under an existing sign for another cemetery. They complained to the code enforcer and an officer removed my signs. OK. I can deal with that. I got 'em back. But to have my other sign vanish? That sucks. The first thing I did was call Town of Thompson code enforcement. The very pleasant woman who answered the phone assured me that they would never remove a sign without notification. She said she knew about the sign but got a chuckle and suggested I call the Sullivan County sheriff...which I did.

The next day I went into the sheriff's office and another nice woman (with a gun and badge) took all the info and said she'd do what she could. I knew this wasn't the crime of the century but still.....On my way home I stopped in the Town of Thompson code enforcement office and asked the nice lady again if she had heard anything? She hadn't, but a not so nice younger woman over heard the conversation and said I needed a permit for a sign and that a neighbor had complained. I asked for the neighbor's name, but she clammed up. I grabbed a sign permit form and left.

I went home and emailed my photo of the sign and supermodel Marianna Louise to Officer Costa and told her about the neighbor complaint. I began work on the Jerry Williams Memorial Outhouse. But this whole sign episode was getting to me. So after setting some 6X6s over a big crapper hole, I went in and dropped my sign application off with the code enforcers. The nice older woman was still there, as was the younger mean one. The younger had her name on her official town shirt. I can't remember it. She took my paperwork and looked it over. "How far off the road is it?" she asked. I asked for the minimum. She looked it up. "50 feet from the middle of the road." That was down the bank and 12 feet off the river in the bushes. My property was only 62' deep. I pointed out how ridiculous this was and she said I would need a variance. OK. Now here's where it gets interesting.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't do well with excessive government interference. I'm no tea bagger but... Making me jump through these hoops for a sign, I may not ever get back, was making my neck ache. So I asked about all the signs I see everywhere- Don't Drill, Elect her, Do Drill, Elect him, For Sale....etc. My voice was rising. She had answers for all but the For Sale. "How about For Sale signs ?" I asked again. "We don't regulate them." She mumbled. "So you're telling me if I put For Sale- Baptism access etc., I would be fine?" She shut up and left the room to confer with the other building inspector. The old lady at the front wasn't so nice anymore. "You see what I'm doing?" I owned up. The young woman returned and said if I put "Baptism Access" on the sign I would still be advertising and I would need a variance. The Kafkaesque atmosphere was getting extreme. I grabbed the variance papers and left. All I know is the sign painter will be called. The concrete with be deeper. And FOR SALE will be stenciled in large red letters across the new CHURCH OF THE LITTLE GREEN MAN Baptism Access sign on Holiday MT. Rd. in Bridgeville, NY. In the mean time feel free to trespass anywhere you want.