PRE-RUT PRAYER MEETING

  I hunted Mupp's last night for the first time. I got in the woods about 3pm and wasn't in the stand 15 mins. before I caught movement coming down the hill. A doe and 2 fawns worked their way down into the brushy flat. They milled around and eventually bedded down a couple of hundred yards to my right. Then I  saw a fourth, bigger deer, behind them. It looked like a buck.
    It's just before the rut kicks in here in the northeast and things are beginning to heat up. I've missed two, count 'em TWO, does. In the low light with my bad peepers I can't even tell if I'm shooting over or under them. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong." I whine to Evets Snidely, my electrician. "I know...." he offers "You're missing them." Thanks. There is not much sympathy amongst my friends. In fact they seem to get quite a kick out of my failures. Oh well. I have no choice but to get back in the stand. So I say a little prayer to the LGM and go at it again. The only thing I've changed are my arrow tips. I've switched from broadheads to expandables. The other day I even I climbed up on my roof, after setting up the target at 15 yards. I let loose. Not a bullseye, but close enough. It's not the angle.

  Hours in the stand always gives me plenty of time to ponder things. Two of my main areas of interest and subsequent expertise, are art and religion. I believe in art and do whatever I can to fuck with religion.  My credentials are in order. I have degrees from both art school and seminary. I was even accepted into the phd. program at Columbia on the strength of forming my own dis-organised religion. I decided to forgo this. It was an ego thing. Academia is now cranking out "art docs" along with MFAs. It's a new boutique industry. I don't need $50,000 in debt and 4 lost years in order to be called Dr. Osterhout. You should think of me as a Dr. anyway.
    So when I read that a Boston theologian had recently written an article in a Catholic publication, citing proof of the Devil's existence in gay lust, it caught my interest. In the ensuing Gay Rights bru-ha-ha the Catholics retracted the story. This is why belief systems have gotten such a bad rap all around. I feel I'm as much of an expert on these issues as anyone. So let me just say that Organized religion of all denominations- Christian, Moslem, Hindu, Jew invented the Devil for their own political agendas and she is very easy to spot. Her bloody handprints are everywhere. So when I make fun of all these so- called organized religions, it is not without good reason and a relatively qualified voice. Now, lets get back to hunting and pray I'll make a good shot.