Tuesday, February 26, 2013


  A couple of weeks ago, in the worst of the deep freeze, I looked out my window at 8 am to see some guy bundled up, pointing his camera in my direction. It's not unusual to see people taking pictures of the church or the GOD LOVES FAGS billboard. But a cameraman on my doorstep, this early in the morning, in sub-zero cold seemed a bit extreme. I went out in my ratty bathrobe and mucks to see what was up? The guy was friendly enough. He informed me he was from my insurance company. "Nothing to worry about." he told me "Do you run a business from here?" I guess with all my signage, you could draw that conclusion. But it couldn't be farther from the truth. "I'll be done in a minute." the sleuth told me. "You better get back in where it's warm." I took his advice. And with an armload of firewood I went back inside.

   It's not like I'm against running a business from the ponderosa. No sooner had NYS passed the gay marriage law than I erected a sign, with my phone number, announcing "baptisms, weddings and funerals". How many calls did I receive? O. In 2003 I borrowed $30,000 and set up HOLYLGM. This company would sell holy water, honey and cigars. I designed labels, bottled water, honey and bought good cigars. I had bags and boxes, a website, a paypal account. I even had a product launch party in that bastion of capitalism- Havana, Cuba. How much money did I make? It's not even worth mentioning. I have about 20 cases of holy ice left, stored in the church. It's free. Drop by and take a case.
    You see, I'm not very good at business. If I hadn't worked a lifetime as a carpenter, and bought and sold a little real estate I'd be in the poor house by now. Making money has never been my strong point. Thank God I never placed it very high on my list of things to accomplish. So I was a bit surprised when yesterday I received a notice canceling my insurance policy. That bastard with his camera had fucked me. Luckily I have a really good insurance agent. She promised to get on it and straighten the whole thing out. "I'll tell them artists never make money until they are dead." she laughed. I'm a little sick of hearing this, but if my corpse has the money in it's pockets, this quote is definitely going on my tomb stone.
On another front RNButch reappeared out of the blue to discuss HWSTV. It seems that the camel and wife's dog is sick, relatives have health problems, and he's had his hands full. I understand. To my delight he and Damon are raring to go on shooting a pilot for HWS. I tell him just how much of a control freak I am. Sure I'd like to make money on some TV project, but it's not my motivation. What I want to do is get something good on TV and have all the rope I need to hang myself. No one knows better than I just how bad TV is. No one even watches it anymore. After being on national television last week, you know how many phone calls, emails,  or autograph requests I received? Zero. Welcome to no biz.    


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