GREEN IS THE NEW ORANGE

SPOILER ALERT! Don't read any farther if, like my nieces, you don't want too much information. It started last week at GNJohn's impromptu birthday party over at Diamond Dave's. He had invited a few of us over for drinks to celebrate. Lez Parks was in town with her new beau Rothchilde Jones. Turns out RJ and I knew a bunch of the same artists.  And it was always good to see Lez. As we vaped and drank, and the "wild" turkey gobbled and the cows moooed, a good time was had by all.
   After an hour or so everyone left but Pigpen, DD, GNJ and myself. DD made hotdogs. I was starved so I had two big ones, with hot sauce and mustard. After I ate, I went home also. That's when it happened. I was sitting on the couch, watching John Stewart, when I noticed a tickling itch in my ass crack. At first I thought it was just a "wild" hair, gone astray, that just need coaxing back into the fold. But when i went in for closer inspection, I realized to my dismay, it was more than an errant hair. Way more. What was it? This I did not know.
   My eyes aren't that good and I'm not that limber anymore, so bending over on a chair, in front of a mirror, head between my legs, cheeks spread.....you get the picture. Getting my new bride-to-be to dive in for a reccon. mission, seemed to be asking a bit much. I know she'd do it if pressed. But I have so little mystery to hold onto as it is. I couldn't ask Shewho. She was the one who suggested the camera. Why didn't I think of that? I know I have a lot of intelligent readers, and not just a few medical professionals who follow this blog. This thing hurts like hell. Can anybody tell me what it is?