KILL-BABY-HITLER

Aside from being one of the best band names I've heard in years, this is an actual news item....I think. You never can tell on the internet whether an item is for real or some Onionesque joke piece by some douche at The New Yorker. If it's legit Jeb Bush says given the opportunity to go back in time "Yes." he would snuff out the little fetus Fuhrer  before he could wreck havoc on the world at large and the Jews specifically. On the other hand Dr. Carson would not kill-baby-Hitler, citing his Christian anti-abortion beliefs, that would not allow him to do so. The fact that any candidate for president would dignify this question with a response tells us way more about the men and the race, than their responses could ever elucidate.
    Hypothetical time travel questions is where journalism is at these days. Watch the National evening news and they will cover the crash of a plane into a house as the lead story, (just for the fiery video) leaving ISIS, and Syria in the dumper. And if we're lucky we get a cute puppy or a feel good sick kid piece at the end. I always tear up. It's no wonder I'm wrapped a little tight these days. The rut may or may not be kicking in. Who knows. It's been raining all week. Then this afternoon I got a call from Shewho. She'd tracked down a blurb book I'd been waiting for. The book is MISSIONARY- a sweet little piece I did in 1978. It documents me trying to get to know a 12 year old boy in SF. Shewho said UPS dropped it off at my "local post office". This is where it goes bad.

   My post office worker is an old, slow, relatively inept, Brit. The PO itself is tiny, cramped and overflowing in packages. The duffer is in his chair, facing away from me. I notice a package, about the size of the book I'm expecting, so I turn it to see if it's addressed to me. The old guy spins in his chair, leaps to his feet, and screams at me "SIR! DON'T TOUCH THE PACKAGES!" I've never seen him move so fast. I'm taken aback, trying to explain to him about the UPS package that supposedly was dropped off Nov. 4.......but he isn't hearing me. He continues to lecture me about NEVER touching a package, etc., etc. I go on the boil.
   What follows is 45 mins. of me trying to get Lord Wifflebottom to find my book, as he resists, accepting no blame, and continues to bark at me and look over his stupid glasses. In the process I not only touch, but move around his packages, further infuriating him. Luckily the window is too small for me to leap through and strangle him. Finally he gives up trying to get on line to UPS with his ancient PC and refuses to do any more for me. I'm so pissed at this point, my elbow inadvertently catches on one of the packages, scattering them all over Lord W. If i could have travelled back in time I definitely would've have aborted his mother. No questions asked.