CHURCH OF THE LITTLE GREEN MILITIA

 No matter what happens tomorrow we have to make it until January 20, 2021. As we all have seen Trump can wreak plenty of havoc in a short amount of time. I for one am prepared. Here's some tips for you over educated libtards. 

1. BUYING A GUN and AMMO. You wouldn't think this would be such a foreign thing to do in 'Merica. But recent NPR segments portray just how disconnected the blue team is from firearms ownership. First let's demystify the simple pipe and spring machine that those pink faced, camo clad Trump mouth-breathers love to display. 

    What do you need to build that deck you finally have the time to do under a Covid lockdown? You need tools- a circular saw, screw gun, tape measurer, Sawzall, hammer, etc. Then you need to watch a couple of YouTube tutorials and maybe an old episode of This Old House. A couple of trips to Home Depot and you are good to go. Buying a gun utilizes the same process. First you have to identify the desired purpose of said gun- hunting (different animals require different weaponry), home protection, recreational shooting,  or the possible breakdown of the state leaving everyone on their own.....sort of like we've been experiencing under Federal and public health non-leadership during the pandemic. No help is coming.

    I used to hunt deer with a .243. This is a flat shooting, centerfire rifle. But the bullet is so fast it has a tendency to deflect or even vaporize if a branch is nicked, leaving the deer untouched. Because most of my hunting takes place in the woods I switched to a .30-06. Both of these calibers are good all round first time gun owner choices. In fact .30-06 ammunition is becoming so popular "in these uncertain times" it took me a few stops to find a box of shells. Thankfully the Chinese are stocking the shelves at Walmart. 

   A gun without ammunition is about as lethal as a baseball bat. It will still hurt if you get clocked with one, but your range is limited. Think of it as dynamite without a blasting cap or a car in the bar's parking lot- safe, benign, no threat to man or beast. Add ammo and a loaded gun is as dangerous as that stumbling drunk turning the key in his Chevy after last call. All bets are off. Safety is the most important element of firearm ownership. Sobriety is a close second. NEVER keep a loaded gun in the house.....unless the Tump trucks are circling and you feel the need to stick the barrel out of the shooting portals. Remember that Sawzall you bought at Home Depot? Watch the wiring, but shooting portals are a cinch.

   The Church of the Little Green Militia (the swag is still good) has been forming for some time, behind the scenes. Maybe you noticed some bulges under those choir robes? It started with the inner circle of deacons- Major Mupp and General "one eyed" Savage Lynch- and has spread from there. Membership is confidential. Like burning dollars, I think forming a militia is illegal. But what the hell, we can't gather to sing hymns or sacrifice virgins. A church has to stay viable. If anybody needs help gearing up for the revolution call the CLGM Suicide Prevention Hotline: Get your head out of the oven and leave a message at the beep. BEEP! VOTE BLUE!!!!!!!