IF YOU ARE INDICTED, YOU'RE INVITED!

 I stole this line from the new Trump-Cohn buddy biopic, The Apprentice. Federal indictments seem to be falling like the yellow leaves of autumn in my world. This invite is applicable for ALL this weekend’s festivities here in the hood. Fellow big game hunter Slick is hosting a live music show at his venue The Outlier tonight around 7 pm tonight, while CLGM Band of All Faith’s drummer Dreiky Caprice is gathering all the DJs in the county to throw down at church tomorrow night. It’s a big weekend. RNButch may still be in a Bronx halfway house during the week but on weekends (playing the Jew card) he is let out on the weekends. Good Shabbos. Hopefully he’ll show up for a little welcome home spin on the dance floor. Sadly, my indicted ex-lawyer SR took the permanent way out of his troubles in an FBI shootout and suicide. As far as the CLGM goes, all (living) criminals are welcome.

 

Artists and criminals have much in common. When I was a kid (fifth grade) my parents and teachers felt I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. My little buds John Balonzi, Bruce Taylor (writer Mickey Spillane’s supposed stepson) Ronny Helms and Tommy Maroney were admittedly troublemakers. I was immediately drawn to their humor and distain for authority. In an attempt to turn us from the obvious primrose path to hell and a life of crime, the art teacher, Mrs. McGinnis, decided to form the after-school Art Club just for us.

 

The others grumbled and fidgeted with their crayons while I took to it like a fish to water. Within weeks I was the only one showing up for club, while the others immersed themselves in kiddy crime. I didn’t lose or toss my friends to the curb. No. Instead, I started to identify as an “artist” in the group. Every gang needs one.

 

 As the years passed John Balonzi was somehow mobbed up through family connects. I think he did time and is now dead. Bruce Taylor also did time and is also now deceased. Tommy became a hard-working contractor and died years ago of a brain hemorrhage. I think Ronnie Helms became a cop. I don’t know if he is dead or alive. That’s the entire art club. Only I became an “artist.” I put the word in quotes as the (art)world may take issue with that assignation.

 

As a lifelong criminal (drug user) I have avoided the judicial grab by the long arm of the law, but for a few minor instances. Although accused of much bad taste and arrested a couple of times for minor offenses I have never been indicted for anything serious. The character “flaws” that have saved my ass over the years are the very real fear of incarceration and the lack of interest in money. I’m not willing to work for $, let alone steal it. It’s just not that interesting.

 

So, shout out to all you Catskill crooks and criminals. Leave your firearms at home if the Feds haven’t already confiscated them and join us at church. Dance all your criminal inclinations away. Thank you, Mrs. McGinnis! You did have a giant effect on my life. You showed me there was another way to keep boredom at bay and entertain ourselves for over a half century. Criminals and artists love to break the rules. It’s what makes us special.