"SMELLS LIKE OLD PEOPLE!"

That was the first thing out of Teehoo's mouth Valentine's morning. I had travelled down to the big city to surprise Shewho for Valentine's eve. Teehoo and I had cooked it up, complete with dinner at Schiller's and drinks at Max. Fish. We had a great time. Ah, but this was just a distant memory, as her mother and I stunk up the tiny apartment with our slowly decaying carcasses. I admit I can be pungent. The wood smoke clings to my clothes, hair and beard. Mixed with pit stank and booze sweat, I guess we did smell like the elderly. Hell, get used to it kiddo.

But that's not what I want to talk about. Just this morning I was sitting around watching the steady snow fall, wondering what to do with my day, when I remembered someone had sent me a link to a "little film" contest. I make little films of a sort with that Flip cam. So I went online and filled out the application, giving up my email and credit card info, etc. I felt good about finally putting the stuff out there. I had a little ambition. Good for me. Then I screwed around making another little film about Mike Wild getting in a fight with Paul Teutal of AMERICAN CHOPPER. Then I checked my email. I had 28 emails! Whatthefuck? I'd been hacked.

This is a first for me. All the blogs and now vimeo and facebook, it's no wonder. Someone's got a hold of my address book and they're flinging out Viagra ads in my name. And my address book is eclectic as hell. Most people realize what's happening are letting me politely know. But other's like some editor at Harper's (who God knows why is in my book) is fucking incensed. Sorry mofo. Chillax. It's completely out of my hands. All I can tell you is if you get an email from me extolling the virtues of penile implants or rubber vaginas....I didn't send it. Disregard.