KKKLOWN SMACK DOWN

 For those of you who have even an inkling of an idea that I am racist, sexist, homo-phobic, anti-semitic, xeno-phobic or otherwise ass-holish....let me jus say you are mistaken. OK, I'll admit to being an asshole from time to time. But as to the others, I vehemently deny the accusations. I say this in response to some rumblings I've been catching, through the grapevine, after the ELECTRIC SOLSTICE FOXY BOXING FLASHBACK RAINBOW UNICORN TEMPLE OF THE LGM this past Sat.
    I guess it started when I decided to erect a billboard in my front yard a year ago. On a bright yellow background, in red and black letters it states GOD LOVES FAGS in both English and Hebrew. Not content to let it stand at that, I made a deal with a German artist friend to buy the use of his name for a year. The authorship of said billboard became Tobias Yves Zintel. About a month later a carload of Hassidic teenagers decided the billboard offended them, and proceeded to kick it in, breaking it in half. Not to be deterred, I pieced it back together, featuring the break. There Toby's billboard remains, a beacon to tolerance.
   As a white male artist working in the 21st Century it's very difficult to offend, shock or provoke anyone these days. And to be honest, this has never been too much of a concern for me. But I do bore easily and am constantly looking for new ways to communicate through my art. I'm about as hetero, white and American as they come. My Dutch, Christian, Indian killer kin came here in the 17th century and never left. So for me to tap into already hot topic issues such as anti-semetism, sexism and racism can be problematic. Which brings me to church.

Originally services were called WAY TOO GAY NOT BLACK ENOUGH EMERGENCY CIRCUS CHURCH. I promoted it with images of different people in black face. My favorite was one of Eva Braun imitating Al Jolson. Talk about post-modern. But people just didn't get where I was coming from, so we postponed that service and regrouped for Foxy boxing church. My idea was to get some supermodels to box me. The wrinkle is I would be in full Klan regalia with an embroidered smiley face, as Ku Klux Klown. I planned to enter the ring carrying a hand sized burning cross.
  I began the service as MOHAIReeshi- a guru type, and left after the collection to get into my klan robes. Thinking twice about lighting the cross inside the sanctuary I went out on the lawn to torch it. What I didn't figure on was about 20 congregants were taking a smoke break and the cross flames leapt 10 feet in the air. When I appeared in the dark as Ku Klux Klown, holding a burning cross, in front of my church.....well even the most die-hard elder was shocked. In the words of art critic and ex-Cardinal Chuckles McCormick "Dude, you CAN'T burn crosses on your front lawn and not expect people to be offended." Which brings me to the fight.

   As Chuck dosed the burning cross with a bottle of Holy Water I went inside to meet my fate. Three beautiful supermodels in skimpy outfits- Minni, Krista, and Linda proceeded to chase me around the pews, as the congregation called for blood. I did all I could do not to get really hurt, as the completely corrupt referee Mike Edison helped the girls bring me to my knees. I took a beating for the cause as the congregation whooped and hollered in approval. Racist? Sexist? I don't see it. But if anyone just happened to be driving by 143 Old Glen Wild Rd. as a guy stepped out of a church holding a burning cross, dressed in Ku Klux Klan robes....let me just say don't jump to any conclusions. It's art.