WAITING ON REALITY

Monday found me sitting on the couch, writing my blog, and waiting for a certain reality TV show crew to show up at the shack. The blog post detailed the show and what was about to take place. Through an artist friend I'd been put in touch with a producer for this show. I had an idea for a show i wanted to pitch to someone in that world. The producer was not in the development end of things, but suggested I appear on a show that was already in production and this could open the doors for a pitch. I knew the show and had no idea how I would fit. She explained how things worked.  What the Hell? I guess I could play along.
 
    The week before I was visiting my mom and was about to take up temporary residency in her house when I woke up with lyme disease. This changed my plans. I came home got a script for antibiotics and spent the week sweating and sleeping. Feeling better, I told mom I could come over after the TV people      were done- on Tues. My mother has had cancer for years and it was taking its toll. She couldn't get to the bathroom without help. Light as a feather, and sweet as sugar, my mom was not the grumbling 200 lb. beast my old man was a couple of years ago, when I had the same duty. Still.......neither mom nor I were looking forward to this.
 But back to TV. I wrote the blog. The crew showed up, pulled out the contracts and i realized that by writing the blog I had immediately broken every clause in the contract. So I excused myself, called Shewho and got her to print out the posting for posterity and delete it. When that was done I was free to continue my reality TV career. They shot the episode and on Tues. morning I drove to Ct. Mom was weak but as always in good spirits. For the next 48 hrs. I slept with one eye open. That goddamned baby monitor hissed and crackled as I tried to get some food in her and looked after her needs. Let me just say I'm about as far from a nurse as you'll ever see. Just the thought of what I'd have to do sent me into a panic. But a funny thing happened. Both mom and I became incredibly calm and just did it. No big deal. She's such a trooper. Unlike me, she never complains, never puts on the stink face. She was the dream patient.
After two days we were able to get her into "the home". It was on mom's terms. She was not willing to live with any of her kids (esp. me and I don't blame her). Neither did she want a live- in nurse. She'd rather move than have a stranger in her house. I feel the same way. When my time comes the cats and I want to move together. I don't mind if the cameras follow our exploits. But you can be sure if I do a reality show only the boobs will be fake. For now mom is in the home. If they don't treat her right we'll whisk her away in a heartbeat. I'm on it. You want to see someone light a fire under people be late getting my mom to the bathroom. This is the reality.