THE CAT THAT DINED ON ITSELF

  I wouldn't be a true cat lady unless I once and a while regaled you with cat stories. Since I've scheduled an upcoming DOGGIN' DAZE PUPPY LOVE TEMPLE, I wanted to let you know just what I think of both critters. I like dogs OK. They are lovable stupid creatures, who are so dependent on attention and so willing to do anything for it, who can help but give in? But like their needy human counterparts, it gets old. Dogs are well.....dogs. Give them an inch and they take a mile. They play up their mental deficiencies in order to get over. They really aren't as stupid as they let on. They.....but hey wasn't this supposed to be about cats?
   At present I have four felines- Ray Gilkey, Nicole, Spooky Cat and Mr. Kitty. With the exception of Ray Gilkey, on very cold winter nights, none have indoor privileges. Ray Gilkey aka Boots showed up after wandering for about a year after his namesake passed. Nicole aka Marta came with Paris aka Tommy when Carlito went to El Salvador one year. Nicole is the smallest, the craziest, and the undisputed alpha. Many a guest has felt her claws. Paris disappeared and Spooky Cat ran for his life every time I went outside for a year. Then one day he decided he wanted to be petted. Now he's a bigger attention whore than TV's Dr. Drew. That leaves the most recent arrival Mr. Kitty.
  Like Spooky Cat, you couldn't get near Mr. Kitty for at least a year. He'd skulk in for the other's food then run like his tail was on fire, if I pulled up. None of these cats would win any beauty contests, but Mr. Kitty is by far the most ragged. He'd probably be fine if he lived on Park Ave. But let's be realistic.... he lives under the house. Like all the rest, for no apparent reason, out of the blue, at random, Mr. Kitty sidled up to be, meowed and wanted to be petted. Now he's as big a whore as the rest. But recently I've noticed a change in Mr. Kitty appearance. He's cleaning up. Then one morning, on the way to work, I saw why. The cat had a giant piece of furry hide hanging from it's mouth. The goddamn cat was shedding it's skin like a snake and eating it in big fuzzy chunks. I had to admit what lay underneath that tasty fur coat was a relatively handsome beast. Now that's why I like cats. Let's see a dog do that.