END OF SUMMER IN THE SOCIALSKILLS

We live in a society of rules, regs. and boundaries. In these days of rampant social media these can sometimes be a bit fuzzy. Just the other day I may have inadvertently crossed some lines. There's a great shot going around the web of the Russian punk girl band PUSSY RIOT kicking up their heels and kung fu fighting in front of an over the top gilded altar in a Russian Orthodox church. Since we are doing A PUSSY RIOT CHRISTMAS here at the CLGM I thought this was a good image to use to start the holiday hype. All the girls are hooded, so I decided to "tag" the band members with the names of female artists I knew and respected, as a kind of homage to their "pussy" fierceness. My original line up for PUSSY RIOT cover band was- Karen Finley, Kembra Phaler, Joanna Went and Alix Lambert. Within hours Ms. Went had removed her tag, quitting my fantasy band. Then Kembra jumped ship. Had I somehow insulted these women? Not to be deterred, I replaced Kembra with Linda Montano and then watched Linda walk. Too many Divas? I have no idea. Finally I had Polly Ester and Dreke Caprice join Karen and Alix. This line-up seems to be holding. Jeesh! Completely fake, FB dream bands are as hard to keep together as any working outfit.

This brings me to two recent instances of people overstepping their bounds here in the Socialskills. The other evening Shewho, Teehoo and I were enjoying pizza and beer on the deck when a mini-van did a U-turn and pulled onto the lawn. Just like one of those circus cars, people started to pour out. First came a little girl wanting to pet my cat. "OK. Sure. Be careful." I said not moving from my seat. Next came another little girl holding her father's hand, crossing the road to pet the camels. Finally a woman, dragging a frantic boy crossed the lawn, announcing herself. "We are friends of so-and-so.....we met you.....etc." Before the polite Shewho and Teehoo could rise from their chairs to greet them, they were upon us. I didn't budge.
   The kids were cute and cannot be blamed for their abrasive, rude parents, who proceeded to sit at our table without invitation and dig into our pizza. Shewho and Teehoo with shellshocked smiles, were obviously at a loss on what to do. I knew exactly what to do. When the woman asked "We aren't disturbing you...are we?" I responded. "Yeah, you kinda are." Meet rudeness with rudeness. I locked eyes with her. I was in no mood to quibble. The poor kids were embarrassed. The parents were oblivious, but got the not so subtle hint and left. I could only imagine how many times the poor kids had been dragged along on these rude excursions. They left in a huff. Without my direct (albiet nasty) approach, they'd still be here. Shewho and Teehoo thanked me for being such an asshole.

One more. I was in the church banging away at a new song, when I heard a distant voice. "Excuse me..... " I looked up to see a Hassidic man dragging a cast on one leg, limp in the church. " I don't want to disturb you. Can you tell me who owns the farm across the road?" I told him. "Do you have his number? I want to...." I cut him off. "Sir. If you don't want to disturb me, you'll leave." He didn't seem to even hear me. He stood there looking around. "What kind of church is this?" I'd had enough. "SIR! Puuuleeeze. Can't you see I'm busy?" "Sorry." he said and hobbled back towards the front door. Now I was flustered and after about five minutes, laid down the guitar and went to take a break. I headed for the door and found the man, still in the church, mesmerized by all the cards of Mystery Girl at the front table. I couldn't fucking believe it. I made him choose one and sent him packing.  I went back to the guitar, now even more distracted, and the phone rang. "Excuse me......." IT WAS THE SAME GUY! ".....are you having a service this weekend? I have a card........ " He'd misread the year.

I love summer. I love the Socialskills. But as I sit here on a cloudy Labor Day I gotta say I'm glad it's over. Bow season opens Oct. first. Now, if I can only keep the interlopers away from my tree stand....