Wednesday, July 24, 2013


  Leave it to the Brits to take all the fun out of everything. First it was fox hunting. The bleeding heart, tree hugging, PETA people find no joy in saddling your trusty steed, leading him from the stables, trailed by a pack of howling hounds, as you don your tight white britches, shiny black boots, velvet beanie, scarlet red waistcoat, codpeice and buttplug, slip the toe of your boot into the silver stirrup and.....giddy-yup. Or is it tally-ho? In either case, a hunting we will go no more. Foxes throughout  England are rejoicing over chicken dinners everywhere. And they better vaccinate that new royal baby against rabies. That's not a Yorkie in the garbage.
   Next in the sights of the so-called animal lovers are the traveling circus' of Great Britain. These low budget outfits are a throwback to the 19th century. The traveling menagerie (which contained only animals) combined with the traveling circus late in the century. It was a perfect match. Exotic critters in cages were towed along with the acrobats and trapeze artists. Exoticism in all its forms brought to the masses. Finally a coal miner could see a leopard and a bearded lady up close. But now, Brit lawmakers are trying to shut down any outfit that cages large cats, elephants, etc. "Snakes, dogs, camels and raccoons would be fine." states a member on Parliment. I love a good raccoon act. I actually have an evening show every night around the cat dishes. If I can only entice them into the cage, and put funny hats on them....I may have something.

My interest in all this is, of course, because of the lion cage. After a flurry of back and forth emails asking for my complete CV and letters of recommendation from my priest, rabbi and guru, The Pirate Party People informed me that a lion would be $10,000 for 3 hours (and they provide their own cages). I never did find out how big its head was. Maybe Paul McCarthy gets that kind of support from Hauser and Wirth, but not me. So the search continues. Everyone's got suggestions. The most common one is to put the supermodels in fur bikinis and have them gyrate for our amusement. I don't know how many of you have ever worked with supermodels.....but I think I'd have better luck juggling rattlesnakes blindfolded. It would be safer. Never fear. Do I ever disappoint?  


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