HISTORYLAND

Out of touch? Yes, I am. I'll be the first to admit that I'm as out of touch as my parents were in 1969 to the goings on out in the wet hay fields of the old Yasgur farm. If my parents had any idea what was to take place in the rain and mud of that summer, they never would've permitted 16 year old me and 14 year old Mupp to attend THE AQUARIAN EXPOSITION OF PEACE LOVE AND MUSIC. Almost 50 years later MYSTERYLAND is coming this weekend. Picking up a 3 day old newspaper in Pizza the Rock, I was amazed to learn just how big this thing was. Billed as the world's largest, and longest running electronic music festival, the Dutch run corporation is cracking out the neon noodles and dyed wigs here in the cold Catskill rain of May. Rest assured kids. The corporation promises dry tents, vegan burgers, yoga orbs and twinkle booths, all paid for with your ATM bracelet. I've heard of the headliners Moby and Steve Aikoi, but that's about it. I'm sure mom and dad had heard of Jimi Hendrix.
    Bethel Woods, known for its dinosaur acts of yesteryear and "countropolitan" cowboy hat wearing singers, is stepping out of its comfort zone to stage MYSTERYLAND. 18,000 are expected. I think Mike Lang expected about that many in '69. As I already confessed, I don't have a clue regarding this scene. What I do know is I have about as much interest in attending as I have in going to BURNING MAN or any large gathering of strangers. Hell, I won't even go to a movie anymore. Who wants to sit next to some idiot, you don't know, eating popcorn? What I am interested in is the chance that this will blow up bigger than the promoter's wildest dreams. If Sunday's headline in the TH Record reads: CHAOS IN THE CATSKILLS! I'm there.
   Rest assured I'll be back in time for church. Unplugged, barefootin' service is scheduled for 2pm Sunday. Pre-service activities will include ass painting, feeding the wild turkey, needle exchange and a re-enactment of the battle of Gettysburg on the front lawn. MYSTERYLAND  may not be welcoming of your cooler of PBR or plastic bag of bunk weed, but we at the CLGM encourage it. We'll supply the hot coals, venison, turkey, and my famous potato salad. Bring whatever you want, along with your dollar bill. Leave your neon wig and yoga pants at home. We'll supply the rebel flag to burn. Downward smelling dogs are welcome. You'll be able to brag to your grandchildren where you were during MYSTERYLAND 2014. History repeats itself......kind of. Yee-haw!