DOING THE CEMETERY SQUAT

Just before i checked my traps yesterday, Carlito stopped by to tell me he took a shot at that traveling pair of coyotes....and missed. He was pissed. I told him there'd been no tracks on my side of the farm, but that we'd seen a bunch of tracks behind the cemetery. We parted ways. I checked my traps. Empty again. Then drove behind the cemetery to hunt. About 10 years ago I purchased a small strip of land at auction in between a group of country cemeterys. My plan is to someday have this act as the church graveyard for the LGM. In the meantime it gives me entre into a nice section of woods that no one hunts.
Just before stepping into the tract, my guts started to churn and I realized last nights tuna sandwich was about to flop and break water. I unstrapped my belt and pack and scooched down along a stone wall. Better to leave this much human stink on the edges. I no sooner was beginning my morning sit down, than I heard crunchy steps. A deer. I reached around and shouldered the muzzle loader, balancing on the balls of my feet, the turtle almost out of his shell...... I saw brown, fingered the safety.......then saw a floppy orange hat. IT WAS FUCKING CARLITO! "What the fuck are you doing?" I hollered. He jumped. "I saw that coyote again." he said, taking a drag off his cigarette. "You must've spooked him towards me. Your dick is shriveling, hermano." he added with a chuckle. I realized my pants were still around my ankles.
I knew this spot was now ruined for the day. So went down by the river ridge, and saw one doe, who stood broadside, with her vitals behind a tree, never presenting a shot. And that was it. By 3pm it was freezing rain, and I'd had enough. I went home, put a log on the stove, dropped off my gun and all my wet clothes and drove to the store to get something to eat. On the way I must've seen a dozen deer, standing in fields, crossing lawns, bounding in front of the car. They somehow knew I was unarmed. On the way home I lost control of the car on the icy road and headed right for Carlito's stone gate. I wrenched the steeling wheel to the right, and at the last second the car vered and piled up in a snow bank, missing the gate by inches. Phew! Now, where to hunt tomorrow?