DON'T LEAVE THE DOE PISS ON THE WOODSTOVE

You know it's cold when the little plastic bottle of doe urine you've been carrying in your coat pocket all season freezes solid. So yesterday before I hit the woods, I put it on the woodstove for a minute to thaw. The only problem was I forgot it when I left the house. About an hour into my morning, huddled against a tree in the the snow, I remembered. Shit! Worse case scenerio the plastic melts, catches fire, and the house burns down. Best case, the urine spreads across the hot surface and stinks up the house like a skunk blasting under the floor boards. My morning hunt was ruined.
Thankfully, when I got back to the shack everything was OK. These are the kind of things you have to be careful of when you live my sort of lifestyle. Do you think an an 11 year old city girl, who goes to private school and is a card carrying PETA member will warm to my despicable hillbilly ways? This was the subject of last night's conversation with Shewho. Shewho and I have known each other for over 20 years. We both married other people and through it all remained in love. Now we are making the necessary life changes to once and for all be together. It's way more complicated for her, than I. Nonetheless we are moving slowly forward and soon I will meet aforementioned daughter. Did I mention Bambi is her favorite movie?
I'm hoping to bamboozal the kid with the exoticness of it all, but it may be a tough sell. "Bet you're little friends don't know what a tail stripper is?" Sure, i can charm the pants off her mother, but hey, if I was her I sure wouldn't like me. "Come on honey, after we skin this coon, lets go check the traps. Sure you can carry the gun." If all else fails I'll try to buy her love. I saw a real sweet pink .22 rifle at Gander Mt. Whaddayathink? For now we'll take it slow. Shewho's laying the ground work. "Hunting's not so bad if it's done ethically. Why, where to you think a hamburger comes from?" she points out. The daughter turns up her nose, chomps down on a sprout sandwich and pops Bambi in the DVD player. This could be way tougher than shooting that elusive 10 pointer.