*YOU CAN GET ANYTHING YOU WANT.........

    Remember Alice's Restaurant, Arlo Guthrie's 1967 album and subsequent movie? I loved both. Consuming each in my formative years, they were early and big influences on my "practice." One entire side of the album is dedicated to an auto-biographical story poem of Arlo's experience dumping illegal garbage after partying hard at an old church. I liked it so much I memorized it. Although not being able to play guitar I could recite the entire song upon request at a party. Not too many requests were forthcoming. When the movie came out the old church and illegal garbage were front and center in the narrative. Arlo's song and movie had nothing to do with me going to seminary, making art out of garbage or eventually buying an old church. That's all coincidence. Looking back that song and movie were quite prescient. The similarities keep unfolding.

    It's been such a confusing few days I haven't had time to tell you about election night. On the way to Shewho's to watch the results I stopped off at Little Green Militia members Lt. Salty Cuke and his girlfriend Col. Killa J's house for a little recon. Lt. Cuke had just purchased his and her .22 cal. rifles and a nice .243 deer rifle for the revolution. Both of these officers are first time gun owners. That's the kind of little militia it is. Forget "Stand aside and stand by." "Sit down and get loaded." 

     Everybody by now knows how election night went. By Saturday morning it was still going on. I see John King and his fucking "magic wall" in my dreams. So that night, after eating some marijuana candies, a few drinks and a few more drinks, Shewho curled up in the fetal position on the couch and closed her eyes in surrender. We didn't make it to midnight and went to bed resigned to how bleak the future looked; that Trump would remain President. I told Shewho that if Biden won I'd cut my beard. The scraggly mess looked very safe. Z-zzzzzzzzzzzz. 

   In the morning things looked a little better on CNN. Half way through my first cup of coffee Biden was slowly pulling ahead....... when suddenly there was a loud series of knocks on the door. "Who is it?" I asked, a bit annoyed at the volume and frantic insistency of the knocking. "DEC police." came the reply. Ought oh. My mind raced. What had I done? Vandalized a Trump billboard?  Crossed a property line on camera somewhere? Any illegal deer in the truck? NO. I was at a loss. When I opened the door a masked DEC cop asked if I was ----------------? or ....................? two names that were found on receipts buried in a bag of cat shit infested garbage found outside the transfer station. I played dumb. "Huh?......... I....uh......why?......what?........where?" I didn't know whether Shewho had locked herself in the bathroom or escaped out the upstairs window. But before the angry cop (who was certain that I was one of those names in the bags) had a chance to cuff and mace me....Shewho appeared over my shoulder. I ran back to CNN and my coffee. Phew!

    When the DEC cop left I asked Shewho if she had ever seen Alice's Restaurant? She hadn't and was in no mood for my stellar movie review. I told the whole story to Bird and warned him not to tell his wife Ginger. Everybody knows what a gossip Ginger is. Bird can keep a secret and has seen Alice's Restaurant. We were both cracking up. I will always give my love an alibi, never snitch (unless tortured) and would expect no less in return for my crimes and misdemeanors. Plus, my advice is never admit to anything. "Somebody must have stolen my garbage and dumped it just to try to frame me, your honor. I know nothing about it." would have been my bald faced lie in my defense. I hope the judge takes mercy on whoever dumped that garbage. Otherwise I have a cute orange jumpsuit, a stick with a nail in it and a DVD of Alice's Restaurant all wrapped up for Xmas for someone special.

PS

I cut my beard for Biden!

*No animals were harmed in writing this blog. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.