PRE-SEASON

   I've been in the worst of holding patterns, suspended between "churches", out of work, riding a horrible dry spell writing songs, no art project on the horizon, out of money, a broken string on the guitar, watching bad TV and opening day of turkey season is a week away...so I call Shewho. She always has a way of cheering me up. She tries the usual- "You must need it.....enjoy the bad TV." But I can tell she's just giving me good phone. "What if it's over?" I say, not really believing it, until it comes out of my mouth. Fuck. What if it is? Oh well. That would save a lot of time and money.
   Then we get to chatting about Smokey- Shewho's 16 year old daughter and her group of rich friends. Smokey lives in a different world than her mother and I. Shewho has spent all of those 16 years making sure of that. She goes to a toney private school and private school don't come cheap. On the weekends she hangs in the Hamptons or jets off to St. Barts for the holidays. All her friends have names that would fit perfectly on a cute, fuzzy puppy in a West Village pet store window. A lot of these kids have older parents- like Shewho. Sometimes Shewho knows the rich parents and sometimes she doesn't. It's considered bad form to use private school like the local Elk's Club, so the Uber-rich ones are not in her circle. I'd be horrible at Private school PTA meetings. "Excuse me Mr. Rockafeller, our kids are tight...... Howzabout a beer after this shindig?" Rest assured I'll never be invited.
   But Smokey's position in this world is secure. She's cute, smart, funny, charming and unimpressed by yachts and pretentious bullshit. They all love her. In fact there's one particular rich guy that is thinking of naming the new baby Smokey. "But the new wifey  is not carrying this one. They have a surrogate." Shewho tells me. Wait a minute.....she CAN carry the baby but isn't?  Shewho confirms that this is indeed the case. Now I know the rich can do pretty much whatever they want, but I had no idea that they did THIS. Just to make sure I press the issue. Is this a well known practice? Who the fuck knows.
      I gather all my self-restraint not to dial PAGESIX. I once had Michael Douglas' and KZJ's complete wedding itinerary and guest list in front of my morning coffee, 2 weeks before Entertainment Tonight. Carpenter Code- never divulge on a client. I went about my business. I could've retired on that dime. So I can't say who this rich guy is. But man do I want to meet him. All I know is my twenty year old quest to recreate the Virgin Birth may be closer than any of us thought.